Comments on: Haiku along Earth’s Sky-Path

By: greenfrog

greenfrog — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:21:22 +0000

Just to be certain,
The Labrador retriever
Licks rain-worn sandstone,
Tasting its iron redness –
Tongue on stone and stone on tongue.

By: Patricia

Patricia — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:00:34 +0000

Rich maple walnut,
Creamy caramel pecan,
Even rocky road.
What are these to the nutty
Divinity of friends’ words?

By: greenfrog

greenfrog — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 03:11:30 +0000

Unexpected scents
Reach the old dog’s nose. Ears perk.
Brows lift. And his eyes
Open to the unconceived —
Safe, because the door’s ajar.

Lessee what dreams may come.

By: Patricia

Patricia — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:43:59 +0000

g.f., if you mouse over “tanka” in my comment above you’ll find an invisolink. That’ll take you there.

By: greenfrog

greenfrog — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:40:45 +0000

Tyler,

I like the image here of layers of bud husks covering the ground; I think of my run this morning where there were places on the sidewalk where it was all I could do not to crush piles of them and get them stuck to my shoes and drag them through the house.

Though I think the language of the haiku is a bit strained, I liked the image of empty bud husks crunching under my feet, and once I accepted that as the primary (starting point, anyway) image, the rest of the haiku sort of came together when I saw Orion through the maple’s branches and realized that if I saw Orion at his night job, it must be spring.

Patrice,

I’m not familiar with tanka forms, though I’ve googled to confirm that it’s a 5-7-5-7-7 structure. Is there a tradition of imagic (non)use with regard to them?

By: Patricia

Patricia — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:32:50 +0000

it’s kind of hard to see them the way this text is formatted.)

Yeah, I’ve noticed. I’ve got a few invisible links scattered around this thread myself. (For instance, “nature deficit disorder” above bears a link).

I’ll look into it.

By: Tyler

Tyler — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:44:01 +0000

(The links are embedded in “renku” and “this effect.”)

By: Tyler

Tyler — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:42:49 +0000

I think you just did. ;-) I did, didn't I? (Almost a palindrome...) It would be fun to see more of this—folks writing (or at least folding into the comments) poetry in response to others’ verse. I like that idea. Maybe we should start a WIZ renku, something to this effect. (There are two links in this sentence, just FYI; it's kind of hard to see them the way this text is formatted.) * * * * verse plus verse equals more verse? or is well-versed?

By: Th.

Th. — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:33:12 +0000

More of a verse plus verse?

By: Patricia

Patricia — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:32:47 +0000

Now that I think of it, I could have sent you this spring-y haiku.

I think you just did. ;-)

It would be fun to see more of this—folks writing (or at least folding into the comments) poetry in response to others’ verse.

But not verse versus verse.