Lawnmowing limericks at WIZ
by Patricia | 5.14.09I have a clown phobia and a lawnmower phobia. If you want to drive me over the edge, hire a clown and send him to mow my lawn.
But since it isn’t technically clown season and is most definitely lawnmowing season, I thought it would be interesting, and hopefully fun, to try a lawnmowing limerick thread. If you would like to contribute, here are the rules:
1. Your poem must scan and rhyme according to good limerick form: a more-or-less anapestic line pattern, 3-3-2-2-3, rhyme scheme a a b b a. Example:
There was an old soldier of Bister
Went walking one day with his sister,
When a cow at one poke
Tossed her into an oak,
Before the old gentleman missed her.
Nursery Rhymes, Mother Goose
2. Clever/humorous is good; tasteless/off-colored is bad. See WIZ’s submissions guide.
3. Your limerick must address the humor, ironies, or downright absurdities of growing and mowing grass lawns. Or, if you’re a lawnmowing enthusiast, write a limerick defending this most noisy and noxious warm weather ritual.
4. Add your limerick to this thread in the comments section of this post. That way, we’ll have them lined up to be read in succession.
My first:
The grass lawn is a curious invention;
Out West, a most wondrous convention.
There folks force it to grow,
And then they’re forced to mow,
And to Roundup them weeds, not to mention.
May 14th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
A lawn is actually just a small field
that’s not being used to get yield
of greens to feast
your hoof-ed beast
so you can prove that you’re well-heeled.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
That’s the spirit, Wm, and appropriately choppy.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
.
My lawnmower’s blades are all rusty
And my mowing desire’s just as crusty
If I tear it all up
And let flowers corrupt
Then my yard might at last become lusty.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Pure and brilliant, Th.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Leave the lawnmower there in the hut,
“How will that work?” you say – I know! But
Simply sprinkle your grass
With some whisky (large glass)
And the blighter will come up half cut.
May 15th, 2009 at 7:08 am
That’s one way to soak the grass!
But you’re still in the pickle of maintaining your lawn’s, um, drinking problem.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
.
Don’t drink and mow!
May 16th, 2009 at 8:41 am
There was an old lady who mowed
When the first crack of dawn barely glowed.
She’d wake up the neighbors
With her untimely labors
But her love for that lawn really showed.
True story.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
A fearsome machine is the mower,
Grass-beheader and light shrapnel-thrower.
It will take out prize roses
With near half of your toeses:
‘Tis the hard way to reap what you sower.