Winter haiku
by Patricia | 12.15.09[Post edited 12/17.]Â Since this haiku chain launched itself before I had a chance to lay groundwork, I thought I’d backtrack and provide some perhaps useful information.
A haiku is a classical Japanese poetical form, usually 17 syllables all in a single line in Japanese, but I understand that there are longer and shorter forms. In English, haiku usually take the form of one short line of 5 syllables, a long line of 7 syllables, and a short line of 5 syllables. I’ve misplaced all my haiku notes, but you can find out more here or here.
Here’s my beginning haiku:
Colorful beads drape
Desert grasses–frost parsing
Light’s long white sentence.
December 15th, 2009 at 8:38 am
A discovery I’ve made during my first year of all-season hiking: Winter has its own signature colors. Besides gray and white, I mean.
December 15th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Beautiful, Patricia! I love the last line.
December 15th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Thanks, Karen. And stick around, if you can. The solstice is coming up and in celebration (Yay! Days getting longer!) I’m planning a poetry chain, open invitation. I’ll probably prescribe a short form, maybe haiku, maybe another Japanese form–something people can weave in and out with, should they feel so inclined.
December 15th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
The fallen leaves leach
Faded hues into snowmelt,
Staining the sidewalks.
I think I like yours better. The end of year seems dark to me. I like that you find light there.
December 15th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Woops. Cross post. Maybe this should be saved for your open invite chain?
December 15th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
.
Pffft. Let’s start now. Winter haiku….okay. Go.
—–
The wind passes through
My fingers and the pages
Of my book, now closed
—–
Hmm. Okay. Somebody else.
December 15th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Well … looks like we’re on. Such a hunger.
greenfrog, the haiku at the head is from one of our old chains. And I still owe you one over at IL.
Who’s next?
December 15th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
“thou,” I think Buber would write.
December 16th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Sorry for delay, down with a cold.
Snowblink’s glass flowers
Glisk in cold, white fields beyond
Barbed wire’s grey bramble.
greenfrog, I’ll bet Buber would write, “Du.” His translators write, “Thou.”
FYI, the entire “primary word,” according to Buber, is “Ich-Du,” since there is no Ich sans Du. Ich sans Du = “Ich-Es,” “I-It.” I-It is plain icky.
December 16th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Next?
December 17th, 2009 at 10:36 am
[...] December 21st, A Motley Vision’s companion blog Wilderness Interface Zone has launched a haiku chain, an open thread whereon haiku-ers might skip and dance together in 17-syllable [...]
December 17th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
.
Boxing Day’s up soon
So hug a Canadian
And then: back to work
December 17th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
My breath mists the scarf
caresses it like a cat’s
tongue cleaning ritual
December 17th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
winter dawn:
the juniper shudders, drops
her white gown for the sun
December 17th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
winter dawn: this
snowflake drops differently
than the one before
December 17th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
writing by moonlight
no snow in the sky, but
a storm on my paper
December 17th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Soft light tabby cat
purring cool and snowing white
winter settles in
December 17th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Toasty toes in socks
window frosts with winter breath
silent thought in snow
And Patty, in winter, grey and white mean so very much more than only two colors.
:)
December 17th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Oops, I meant Patricia. Forgot who I was talking to…
December 17th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
okay Patricia, you got me to try one~
Willows pose for Dawn
in white chemise, and lace
the pond’s reflection.
December 17th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
humm- I already see a flaw, only 6 syllables in line 2?
does this work-
Willows pose for Dawn
in white chemises, and lace
the pond’s reflection.
December 18th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Karen:
Me, I like the first one better. Adding the extra syllable in version two throws the rhythm off.
Which points me to the observation that the 5-7-5 pattern of the haiku is a good structure to begin writing around, but that too strict adherence to the syllable-count-per-line can warp the poem a bit.
Many of the best haiku I’ve read don’t adhere to the 5-7-5 pattern. Some, in fact, are one-liners. (I’d offer up a bit more about what I think makes a haiku a haiku—beyond the syllable pattern—but I’ve got a paper to write for school; time to stop avoiding it!). Here are some good recent examples from Simply Haiku (http://simplyhaiku.com/SHv7n4/haiku/a1.html) and Modern Haiku (http://www.modernhaiku.org/issue40-3/haiku40-3.html).
December 18th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Karen,
if we’re voting, I like the first one better too. It was lovely and had a smooth flow to it. fergit the syllable!
December 18th, 2009 at 10:39 am
.
Time comes to an end
As Night becomes eternal
The ice breathes its last
December 18th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Angles slant sunlight
In from rare points. Southing
slows, hinging back north.
December 19th, 2009 at 9:12 am
white arrowheads deer tracks inlay the packed snow soles of weathered boot prints
(w’s for hoofprints)
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 am
Blue, green and white orb
Decorates the darkness. Sun
breathes hallelujah.
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 am
winter morning gray on gray deerhide framed by sage, sand, snow
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Just realized that reads rather poorly. I’ll try again, this time with line breaks:
winter morning gray
on gray: deerhide framed by
sage, sand, snow
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
She vinegars the
last of the beets and carrots.
Sharp winter colors.
December 23rd, 2009 at 11:38 am
In fog of waking
I wake to fog forming twixt
White sun and fresh snow.
December 26th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Paperwhites breathe their
unexpected light into
the protected house.
January 19th, 2010 at 9:14 am
That feathered coyote,
Raven, cocks a chiseler’s
Eye at winter’s shell.
February 20th, 2012 at 2:20 am
Today is quite warm
There are rocks and shells around
I like the hot beach